The Doofus Test

Just for fun, take this Doofus test and see how you do. Remember, casual golf and tournament golf are played differently, even if that gives the purists heartburn. These answers are NOT necessarily based on the formal rules of golf, which you should read if you begin playing in any local tournaments. So pull out an old fashioned pen and paper and give it a try – nothing high-tech here. You might learn something.

Question 1
You step up to the first tee with two golf balls – one in your hand and one in your pocket. You are the second to hit, but your nerves get the best of you and your ball ends up in the little swale just 10 yards ahead, half way to the ladies tees. You should:

1. Say “oops”, run up and grab the ball, then hustle back to the tee and try it again;
2. Say “oops”, pull out the other ball, and hit a mulligan;
3. Say “oops”, pick up your tee and say you would like to hit a mulligan. Then step out of the way until all the others hit before hitting your second shot;
4. Say “oops", pick up your tee, ball and bag, and head back to the driving range.

Question 2
You and your group tee off, but when you get up where your ball should be, just a few feet into the rough, you can’t find it anywhere. You should:

1. Watch the others until they aren’t looking your way, then casually drop the other ball in your pocket about where yours should have been;
2. Wander aimlessly for five minutes waiving your arms and looking everywhere it could possibly be while your group continues to play on without you;
3. Ask the group for help, knowing that 8 eyes are better than two, and heave a big sigh of thanks when one of them finds the ball partially plugged and unplayable;
4. Ask the group if it’s OK to drop one in the rough about where you think it should have been (this is not an option in formal tournament play – you would have to return all the way back to the tee box and hit another shot, while the next group rolls their eyes and snickers). Most partners will allow you to take just one penalty stroke instead of two for a lost ball.

Question 3 
The group behind you has a big hitter, and twice he’s almost hit you and your partners with his tee shots. Then he bounces a shot right past your cart as you are getting ready to play your second shot. You’ve had enough. You should:

1. Pull out your driver, tee up the guy’s ball, and drive it straight back at him on the tee, and watch them all dive for cover;
2. Use the club in your hand to smack the guy’s ball into the nearest clump of trees, lake or other hazard;
3. Pick up the guy’s ball and put it in your pocket, then keep on playing;
4. Go ahead and hit your shot, then drive over his ball, pushing it into the ground;
5. Cast a disapproving glance back toward the tee, ignore his ball, but wait with your partners at the green for his group to approach, and let them know in clear terms that they need to be more patient and wait until you are long gone before playing. 

Question 4
You are on the green, but some 35 feet from the pin. Another player is only 15 feet from the pin but caught the edge of a gree-side bunker. A third player is about 25 feet from the pin but on the fringe.  According to the USGA, who plays first? Who plays last?

1. Player in the bunker plays first, player on the green plays last.
2. Player in the bunker plays first, player on the fringe is last.
3. Player on the green plays first, player in the bunker plays last.

Question 5
You and Larry are both about 20 feet from the pin on opposite sides of the 17th hole. You are neck-and-neck in your match and both very competitive, and don’t want to let the other go to school on the other’s putt. How do you decide who putts first?

1. Offer to let him go first. He’ll likely defer back to you. Continue this until someone gets embarrassed and caves;
2. Ask a third player to visually eyeball who is further out. You then must abide by the decision;
3. Ask a third player to pace off the distance of the putts to determine who should go first – again, his (or her) decision is final;
4. Suggest optimistically, “Both good?” Then pick up both balls and move on;

Answer True or False

Question 6
You’re up next, but the area between the tee markers is beat up and not very flat. The best solution is to move up and find a good spot either just ahead or just behind of the markers and hit from there where the grass is smoother.

Question 7
As a sporting gesture, in golf the person with the worst score on each hole gets to tee off first on the next – they are given “the honors” to keep them from feeling discouraged.

Question 8
Whenever you hit a bad tee shot and take a mulligan, you get to pick the shot you want to play - whichever is best.

Question 9
Just like it's illegal to borrow someone's club during a round of golf, it is also illegal to borrow a tee or a ball.

Question 10
Golfers should always play ready golf no matter who is furthest from the hole to speed up play.

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WHAT THEY'RE SAYING

“A must-read for any beginning golfer . . . and a good review for the experienced golfer who may have forgotten how to speed up play.”  

 -- Dave Wirth,
News/Sports Anchor,
WTSP-TV, Tampa, FL

“Doofus Proof Golf covers all the essentials of golf etiquette in a well-organized, easy-to-read manner. It’s perfect for players new to the game."   

-- Bruz Fellenz, Publisher,
Tampa Bay Golfer's Guide

“Exhibiting proper etiquette on the course is the best way to insure everyone enjoys their game to its fullest . . . this would be a great book for clubs to give to new members." 

-- Jim Fortson,
Golf Marketing Consultant,
Valrico, FL

“We need this kind of book ... I'd like to get everyone who wants to play our course to read this book first."

-- Matt Coté, Head Professional,
Fox Hollow Golf Club, Trinity, FL