Want a quick look?
Here’s some excerpts from the book –

Introduction – page 1
But don’t be fooled by the promise of fresh air and fun. Golf is a difficult game to learn, and a difficult game to play well. Blooper videos are full of wannabe golfers.  On a typical par-72 golf course, only 8 percent of adult golfers ever break 80 – less than 30 percent ever break 90.

But that must be OK, because addicted golfers of every talent level imaginable just keep on plunking down their money and swinging away. However, before you venture out to the nearest country club in your new plaid knickers, realize there are two aspects of the game you must learn if you ever want to be invited back.

Chapter 1 – page 6
You don’t wear the same thing to a golf course that you might wear to, say, play basketball, go fishing, or mow the lawn. Jean cutoffs and athletic shorts are out. You need to find a decent pair of Bermuda shorts with pockets, hem and a zipper. If you want to wear long pants, they, too, need pockets and a zipper. Denim with holes in the knees is a no-no. In fact, denim of any kind is a no-no. And just for the record, shoes – golf shoes or otherwise – are an absolute must. There are no bare feet in golf – ever!

Chapter 2 – page 21
But today you go second – so here are some pointers:

• Generally speaking, watch the first guy, and do what he does, especially if he strokes one down the middle;
• Always tee up your ball between or slightly behind the imaginary line between the tee markers;
• If you have any favors to call in, this is a good time to say a little prayer.

Chapter 3 – page 33
It may take you anywhere from one to several dozen more shots to finally reach the green, and let’s assume that along the way you hit the ball into a sand trap. Aptly named, these nasty little pits of persecution give the golf gods a giggle as we flail and toil and make fools of ourselves. Rest assured, however, that at some point in time, every golfer has been through this experience before you.

How to get out o a sand trap is someone else’s lesson t to teach (remember, the club cannot touch the sand or the ball before making your shot – check your Rules of Golf under “Making You Miserable”). But here are some tips on the right way to handle yourself when you hit the ball into a trap (also called a bunker, the beach or the kitty box). Remember, from an etiquette perspective, your goal here is to leave this trap in such good condition that no one would ever know you were there.

Chapter 4 – page 42
Doofus Alert:
If you are a 25 handicapper and walking of yardage on every hole to get an exact distance, you need to first, go take up a sport you can play totally alone – like jacks – and second, you need to be tied to a flagstick for a day and let everyone try to bounce one off your noggin’. 50 Doofus Demerits. Unless you are a truly serious golfer playing for money, fame or a slot on the tour, a few yards here or there is not going to make or break your round. Estimate your distance, check the wind, grab a club and hit the ball.

Chapter 5 – page 51
Additional important pieces of golf etiquette: . . .

. . . 2) Stay out of a player’s direct line of sight while he is putting. In other words, don’t stand on the other side of the hole (on his ‘through line’) so a players addressing his ball and lining up his putt sees you hovering in the background. Step to one side or the other.

3) If you are “going to school” on another player’s putt (watching his putt to help you figure out the break on yours), stand well back of him so you, too, are not in his line of sight. And be sure you think ahead and arrive at that spot before he begins lining up his putt. Racing to that spot while he is addressing his ball is a whopping 20 doofus demerits.

Chapter 6 – page 64
One small problem with the game of golf is that it’s based around the concept of “par,” which players use as their measure of success or failure, no matter their skill level. But shooting par golf, typically a 72 on a full-sized course, is only a reasonable goal for a tiny percentage of players. In fact, a reasonable goal for a beginner would be to shoot double-bogey golf - an average of two over par on every hole for a score of 108. Even so, it will take awhile before you can achieve that goal.

Chapter 7 – page 69
Doofus Alert:
Never, ever, ever (clear enough?) hit into the group ahead of you. No matter how late you are for dinner, or how badly you need to hit the head, wait that extra 30 seconds until you are sure the group ahead of you is out of your range (your range is the best shot of your life downwind – plus 20 yards!) The one time you don’t wait, your ball will noogie someone’s noggin’, your partners will turn away and disown you and you’ll instantly be the butt rash on the illegitimate offspring of pond scum.

WHAT THEY'RE SAYING

“A must-read for any beginning golfer . . . and a good review for the experienced golfer who may have forgotten how to speed up play.”  

 -- Dave Wirth,
News/Sports Anchor,
WTSP-TV, Tampa, FL

“Doofus Proof Golf covers all the essentials of golf etiquette in a well-organized, easy-to-read manner. It’s perfect for players new to the game."   

-- Bruz Fellenz, Publisher,
Tampa Bay Golfer's Guide

“Exhibiting proper etiquette on the course is the best way to insure everyone enjoys their game to its fullest . . . this would be a great book for clubs to give to new members." 

-- Jim Fortson,
Golf Marketing Consultant,
Valrico, FL

“We need this kind of book ... I'd like to get everyone who wants to play our course to read this book first."

-- Matt Coté, Head Professional,
Fox Hollow Golf Club, Trinity, FL